Parenting, Punishment, and Protesting

Did you know that in the great state of Georgia it is possible for a parent to bloody a child's lip and chip his teeth with closed-hand blow to the mouth, and the police will decide that because the child was talking back to the parent, the blow is an acceptable form of punishment?  Did you also realize that in the great state of Georgia if that same child attempts to fight back or strikes the adult, it can be decided that the child is the one committing the crime?  Never mind that the child is cornered by an adult twice his size with the adult grabbing and twisting the child's arms to "get him to settle down."  Never mind that the adult in question is the child's parent.  Never mind that it is the nature of pre-teens and teens to talk back as they stretch their wet wings, getting ready for the flight into adulthood.  Never mind that parents should have a host of tools in their arsenal for dealing with the host of issues that arise.  Oh, and in this case, let us throw in that the disagreement that led to the argument that led to the blows that led to the cornering began with the child sharing some opinions that the parent simply didn't like.  

Maybe this kind of thing is at the root of protesters at pride parades and festivals around the country. Maybe the protesters feel that the people who attend pride events are sharing something about themselves that the protesters don't like.  So, since they can't strike a physical blow to the mouth of the pride attendees, they attempt to strike a mental or emotional one.  Maybe the thought process goes something like this:

1.  Pride attendee:  I want to attend this event to have fun, be happy, and communicate who I am.

2.  Protester:  I don't like who this person is.

3.  Protester:  I want to hit this person because he is different from me.

4.  Protester:  I can't hit this person because I might go to jail.

5.  Protester:  I will protest with a vitriolic sign and shout mean slogans to try to harm this person.

I don't know.  I don't think like this.  I want to believe that people in general don't believe that literally or figuratively popping someone else in the mouth will make the injured party change their ways or agree with the attacker, but history proves me wrong.  Indeed, the root of the vast majority of local and global conflicts start with one group deciding that others should not be different.  

Here's the thing:  in the great state of Georgia a parent doesn't have to employ the fourth and fifth lines of the thought dialogue.  A parent can simply decide that he does not like the child's opinions. Then, if unsuccessful in changing the child through argument, the parent can hit the child in order to silence the child or attempt to force the child to the parent's way of thinking.  In doing this, the parent has not committed a crime.  Even though in the above thought dialogue, had the protester decided to hit the attendee, he would most likely be charged with a crime.

I am the mother of three boys.  Over the years they have told me thousands of wonderful, silly, witty, alarming, scary, tear-soaked, clever, mundane, sad, worrisome, joyous, pride-inducing, and just plain old fun things about themselves.  Never once in any scenario has my first thought been to strike them.  No matter how earth-shattering the announcement was (although it is incredibly hard to surprise me), have I ever thought, "I don't like that.  I'm going to hit you."  What kind of person does? 

The history of corporal punishment in Georgia schools is still being created because it is still legal.  In fact, corporal punishment is legal in 19 states nationwide.  In Poland corporal punishment in schools was outlawed in 1783.  Georgia state code has three sections that regulate corporal punishment in public schools.  Yes. These are laws about the proper situations, people, and settings in which corporal punishment should be administered in a public school setting.  If there are laws regulating who can strike the children in this state when they are at school, it may be no wonder that a bloodied lip and chipped teeth are seen as a perfectly fine form of parenting. 

Here’s the thing:  no matter their ages, our children will have enough bumps and bruises in their lives. The world will beat them up pretty good - it is not our parental duty to prime that pump. We don't need to inure them to the pain of the world.  No matter who a person is, he will get his lip bloodied in life.  More than once.  Parents need to love the kids when they are smelly and weird and silly, and even and especially when they tell us something we might not want to hear.   We should model how we wish the world would be:  accepting and wonderful and loving.  It is our job to teach children that the world is a wonderful, fascinating, wildly varied place where, yes, they will see a protester along the way, but where, ultimately, they can be their wonderful, fascinating, wildly varied selves.