Listen Up, People!

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. 
Most people never listen.  

 (Ernest Hemingway)

An alarming trend is evident among the American populace.  People are repeating themselves.  Over and over and over.  You get the idea.  For example, today I had a conversation with my next door neighbor.  She repeated the exact same information four times to me.  I responded every time in an appropriate manner using reflective language and answering her question.  Four times. 

I do not know why she felt the need to repeat her concern.  I do know that I notice such repetition a great deal in all forms of communication.  Perhaps the key lies in that word “communication.”  Are we so communicatively overexposed that we can’t let an idea concern or complaint go until we are sure someone has not only heard us, but also commented on our status and liked it and shared it?  Tweet and retweet. 

This week (it’s only Tuesday, mind you), I have gotten two telephone calls and one email from a parent regarding the exact same issue.  I have responded in a prompt and consistent manner to each correspondence.  Why must this parent ask me the same thing in three different ways?  Does she believe I will invent a new answer for her amusement each time? 

As an English teacher, daily writer, and avid reader, I do contemplate individuals’ ability to concentrate long enough to really listen and respond authentically.  I probably do blame test messaging and Facebook and other social media for the decline in attention spans.  But, also as a teacher, I have immense faith in human beings’ desire and ability to connect with our fellow beings.  Why, though, must people repeat their ideas?  This has been the age old lament of any teacher who has ever attended a faculty meeting. 

Please bear in mind that I have taught in three different states, six different school systems.  And, this, my friends, is a typical faculty meeting scenario:  one teacher will make a suggestion, and at least three others will offer the exact same suggestion with slightly varying verbiage.  One more teacher will pose the same idea as some sort of perverted rhetorical question.  Such redundancy has been the bane of my existence since the start of my education career, and a primary reason why I drink.  Teachers are the worst at sitting still, listening, and responding meaningfully.  It is disconcertingly ironic.

But now, this trend has seeped under the faculty room door and out into the real world.

Distressingly, I am the president of our HOA.  (As a sidebar, let me just say that if you ever get the idea to be the president of your HOA, do yourself a favor and strike your own wrist over and over with a hammer until you snap out of it.)  Each meeting we have is like the movie Groundhog Day.  The same people; the same complaints; the same emails are sent; the same neighbors ignore the same emails. 

Perhaps, though, I shouldn’t point a finger at the speakers.  Maybe the finger should be pointed at the listeners.  As many times as I have encountered repeaters I have also met the unlisteners (sounds like a Dr. Who villain).  These are the people who ask you a question and fail or refuse to listen to the answer.  After you have responded to their inquiry, these people then plaintively say, “What?”  They fully expect you to repeat your answer rather than having required themselves to listen to the answer the first time around. 

So a few old-new guidelines of speaking and listening etiquette:  If you have something worth saying – say it.  Meaningfully.  To someone who needs to hear it.  Or to someone whom you want to hear it.  Then leave it alone.  Something worth saying needs to be said only once.  Say it well and be gone.  When a colleague or neighbor makes a good suggestion or has a nice idea, commend them on it – do not repeat the idea.  If you ask a question, actually engage yourself to hear the answer and retain said answer.  Who knows, you might find you like listening as much as Hemingway did.  Or, you might find yourself talking to someone as interesting as Hemingway.  If not, you can always have a drink.  Cheers!