A few weeks ago I was out with some friends for a drink and
a snack. During the course of this
outing, everyone was on and off their phones – texting with absent spouses; responding
to teen children who were out doing their own thing; or checking in with the
babysitter of smaller children. I was not above the obligatory phone check. However, when I returned home, I was perusing
Face Book, and I noticed that one of the friends who had been at our outing had
updated her status: “Having a great time
with friends – love them all!” The time
stamp was in the middle of our time together.
Huh? Why did she post this for
others to see rather than putting the phone in her purse, and telling us all
how much she was enjoying herself and how glad she was that we were all
together? I was flummoxed. But, she is not alone.
A similar phenomenon circulating on Face Book is appreciation
memes. Such stickers are a way of
showing love or appreciation for someone in your life. And they are almost as annoying as the if-I-can-get-one-million-likes-I-get-a-new-spleen-or-new-puppy
memes. To wit:
What? How about if
you love your daughter, call her have a meaningful chat? If you love your son, take him to
dinner? Proofread his college app for him? Take your daughter to the movies? I don’t believe
my mom has ever posted this kind of thing, but I kind of hope she doesn’t. I know my mom loves me, and I bet you do,
too. You don’t need this kind of cheesy
virtual sign to remind you. And, if this
kind of sign is the first inkling you have of your mother’s love, there is
something amiss.
How about this one:
Hey, if you really love your husband, I bet I can think of a
few actions he’d rather be the recipient of than your liking and sharing this.
Now, to add insult to injury, it is November again, and I
have another thing to be curmudgeonly about:
thankfulness statuses on Face Book.
Some of my friends and many acquaintances will spend the next
twenty-eight days posting one thing a day that they are thankful for. They started out big yesterday: “I’m thankful I’m a child of God” and “I’m so
thankful for my wife and children; they are the lights of my life.” But, these attitudes of gratitude will peter
out by mid-month, and I may have to block some people: “So thankful for plastic
grocery bags to scoop the poop into” and “Love that we have indoor plumbing.”
Before you label me a year-round Scrooge, let me clearly
point out the problem here. We all need to be grateful in an on-going and
active way, especially for the big things. If you are reading this, it is
likely that you are educated, have a roof over your head, and reasonable
nourishment for the foreseeable future. You
are better off than approximately 73% of the world’s population. You need to act on your gratitude. Why confine expressions of thankfulness to November?
On Face Book? And, how can one really
sum up one’s love and gratitude in a four line status? Are the recipients’ hearts warmed? Or do you simply feel better about the eleven months in
which you take these people and things for granted?
I think electronic media has shrunk our ability to express
ourselves in all different ways, and many of us have relegated expressions of
gratitude and love to statuses and tweets.
Saying “I love you” is much safer through the bits and bytes that carry
computerized messages than saying it face-to-face. Distance ameliorates
the heartbreak of a non-response to proffered love. Furthermore, I have noticed
that very few people – from the cashier at Target to my own children – don’t
know how to say, “you’re welcome.” If
someone shoots them a “thanks” – that person may get back nothing, a grunt, or
if they're very lucky, “no prob.” Saying
thank you should be a daily and face-to-face thing.
Now, you may argue that people move and fall out of touch. These virtual messages are a great way to get
back in touch, aren’t they? Post a
status about what a good friend he is and tag him in it, preferably with a
funny throwback picture (bonus points if the picture is on a #throwbackThursday).
A notification pops up on his phone; suddenly,
you’re back in touch, right? This
computerized thankfulness seems to have degraded our communication skills and,
seemingly, our real emotions. It is also
this kind of thing that encourages distance between people.
If really want to thank you for something, I should come to
you and thank you. I should shake your
hand. Give you a hug. At least write you a hand-written note. Bake
you cookies? How about a sincere expression of real emotion? Shouldn’t I? Has it become just too easy to fire off an
email or a status an call it done? Sure
seems like it.
So, if you really feel you have to participate in the
thankful status November thing, that’s fine. But it’s not enough. Step out from behind the computer and actually
thank people – in person. And, when
someone thanks you – say “you’re welcome” and mean it. After all, love is an action, a verb, and it
is out of love that gratitude springs.
Thank you.
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